As posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2005, when you were 7 months old- - "Lori - You BAD girl! You brought tears to my eyes with your journal entry today. It's all I can do not to cry as I sit here typing. I SO know what you mean. I just want to freeze time for just a little bit so that I can really digest and inspect and REMEMBER these little victories, achievements, glimmers of understanding. I want to hold her *just as she is* on every yesterday and every tomorrow. But you can't and it slips away so fast and you find yourself thinking one day "How long has she been doing this or that"?? "What was it like when she couldn't"?? "Why can't I remember how small she used tobe"?? It's joyful and heartbreaking at the same time and I want to cry for both reasons. Then I wonder if working makes it worse because time flies by even faster when you are only together in the evenings, but then you wonder if by staying home you become blind and oblivious to the constant changes. These feelings are always lurking just under the surface for me and often have to be consciously suppressed so that I am not consumed by the sadness of it all."
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